D: I was looking on a map and I can't believe how close Niagara Falls and Waterloo are
D: My girl was right there
R: Indeed I was
R: But I was like... one. hahaha
D: Lol, yes.
R: You creepy nine year old!
D: You've got a dinosaur
D: Man I'm robbing the cradle
D: but my mental age is 17, that's what counts
There are really no words to describe how sad I felt inside not being able to be with D on our first new years together. To disguise the sadness I threw myself into board games with my friends and took photographs and at the stroke of midnight after snapping a photo of the happy couples kissing I sent a kiss into the air for D; I only hope it reached him all the way in Las Vegas.
It has been three weeks since I last saw D and twenty-six more days until I see him again. On a day like today the awareness makes me want to pull all of my hair out.
On a day like today, where my mind is a hurricane of sad and lonely thoughts, I want D here with me. I want nothing else but to fall into his chest and hide there until the world fades away.
It is a nice feeling being at work, the day drawing closer to an end, knowing that D will be there when I get home. For this week and the next that is how it will be. I’ll come through the door and there he will be waiting for me. This man who loves me and tells me that he’d like us to stay home tonight because he hasn’t gotten in enough cuddles with me. A man who sends me emilas at work that says he can’t wait until I get home. A man who sends me pictures of him and my cat in the afternoon, just to show me what he has been getting up to. A man who curls up against me in bed and puts me to sleep by running his hands through my hair over and over again. It is a wonderful feeling.
Right now, 3500 kilometers away, you are beginning your bike race. You have trained for weeks, getting up early on the weekends to avoid the extreme heat, then coming home, showering and squeezing in a few hours of sleep before continuing on with your day.
I can picture you in your gear, your skinny, strong legs pumping away. I can imagine the adrenaline that must be running through your body right now as you push your way through the pack.
I wish that I could see you; see the excitement, exhaustion and finally the look of triumph on your face. It would be a magical sight to see you doing something that you love so much.
I would kiss you at the finish line.
Right now, you are 3,500 kilometers away from me, but tonight… tonight you will be in my arms where you are meant to be.
I love you,
I miss D. The moment I hear his voice on the other end of the phone my body smiles from head to toe. All I know now is that he will be here with me on Saturday night and I just can’t wait. To wake up next to him, to feel his arms around me at night, to feel his breath on the back of my neck. I love him so, so much.
It has seemed like forever since I’ve seen her. I think back to how short her trip to Vegas was and I almost feel like I haven’t seen her since the time before that. I feel like I haven’t kissed her in so long. The time doesn’t matter though. Whether it is two days, two weeks or two months it never sits right. I miss the feeling she gives me when she smiles at me or tells me she loves me. There is nothing that can compare so I try not to forget the times before I met her. I lived in the same place with the others yet I was alone somehow. I never knew where I was in a relationship. At the end of the day I remind myself that no matter how badly I miss R I feel more together with her than I ever have with the others. Whether it is her time, a card, a note, a present or a picture she has always kept me close in the most important way. The one thing I know I can say about this relationship and the thing that gets me through the waiting is that we love each other and no matter the distance we’re going to be together.
Though D and I are so far apart, today I feel as though he is right here next to me. I found a man who is romantic and kind, hard working and strong; a man who sees me and appreciates me. The amount of love that D and I feel for each other could never be measured. I love him always, all ways.
Being with him again in Vegas was incredible, and having my best friend and her husband sharing in the moments was truly memorable. I’m not sure I have ever experienced something as hard as having to get on that plane and leave him behind. As we took off and I stared out the window at the strip I blew him a kiss that said “be back soon.”
Tears puddle in the corner of my eyes the minute the plane breaks through the clouds and I see the bright city lights of Las Vegas. My hands start to shake and my heart begins to pound. It is only minutes now.
I cling to my purse, my right hand holding on to my camera case as I quickly stride through the airport. It is only minutes now.
A terminal train.
And there he is.
I practically run to him, transfixed by the smile on his face. We hug and kiss, and all is right in the world.
We gather our luggage and walk outside hand in hand. As the heat hits us I turn to my J and A and smile. Hello, Las Vegas.